it might sound like a silly question, of course you know who your neighbour is.

but do you really?

my neighbour, “jack”, has lived below me for three years. a seemingly quiet man, keeps himself to himself. my husband never liked him though, said there was something weird about him so we had nothing to do with him, i never took it too seriously because “james” thought everybody was weird.

when james and i separated i wanted to build bridges with jack and other neighbours james had fell out with. i became quite friendly with jack and his girlfriend ( she was 18 , jack 39) we would have coffee and chat but mostly it was just jack and myself because “jane” was often working. jack seemed like a nice if misunderstood guy. i say misunderstood because he told me about the terrible time he had when his ex-wife accused him of interfereing with her children and he had to be rehomed below me, losing his friends and left a broken man. i thought his honesty about it meant he was innocent, because, surely a guilty man would never admit to being suspected of such an abhorrent crime?

i felt real pity for him, how terrible to be accused of harming your step-children whom you’d raised as your own. he and jane adored my young daughter, who’s almost three, and jack was always offering to take her off my hands for an hour or two. i never accepted the offer, not because i thought he would hurt her but because i didn’t want to feel like i was taking advantage of him. but it all changed one day when he came round for coffee, he sat next to me on the sofa while “denise” played at our feet. i turned to talk to him and he was engrossed in watching her play. i stared at him as his eyes lingered on her, looking her up and down and suddenly i felt sick and shaky, my stomach was in knots. i told my best friend about what i’d seen and she told me to keep an eye on him. i felt terrible guilt about thinking bad about him because he comes across as so caring, i tried to convince myself that he just loved kids, he told me himself he was desperate to be a father but my friend told me i must trust my gut instinct and not be influenced by the impression he gave of himself as being a poor persecuted sad lonely soul.

then one day my daughter was playing in the garden and i went in to make a coffee, when i came out a couple of minutes later she was gone. i called her and but i couldn’t see her anywhere, i started to panic, shouting her name and then jack knocked on his bedroom window, i turned around as he pulled back his curtains and saw her on his bed. i walked straight into his flat to get her and he was laughing and joking saying he’d found her there after she’d walked in and i believed him. it happened a couple more times but i still felt i couldn’t have a go at him because he would just he was say he was being friendly and i would be the bad guy for insinuating anything else. i know you probably feel like shaking me and screaming at me that i’m a stupid fool but please put yourself in my shoes, i truly felt i was wrong, i didn’t want to believe it, i thought i was being a neurotic woman thinking the worst of nice man. but eventually i got the courage to tell him to stay away from denise and me, he looked so hurt and i felt like the crappest person to have made him feel like that. my family and friends put me under pressure to go the police just so i knew where i stood if he ever took her in his flat again. they told me that i would be given a log number and to call them if there was a problem with him in the future. i went home happy that i’d done it and family and friends said i’d done the right thing.

then it all changed, the police called me back to inform me an officer was on his way to see me and it was serious. i sat stunned as he told me they couldn’t tell me any specifics but i must go to my housing association and demand to be re-housed and that the police would tell them what they could not tell me.

words cant describe how it felt to be told (albeit indirectly) that he was a threat to denise. what kind of mother was i? i’d allowed my concern about upsetting poor old lonely jack to overrule my mothers instinct. i failed her. what made it worse was that a few weeks previously jack and i had gone out for a drink because i was too spineless to say i didn’t actually want to go, again, i didn’t want hurt his feelings. by now i’m guessing you’re punching your monitor with frustration at my complete stupidness and i dont blame you but it gets worse, on the way home from this friendly drink it all goes blank, i woke in the morning with livid scratches on my inner thighs, bruises up my back and a large lump on the back of my head and i blamed myself, probably led him on, my fault.

then last week i was visited by child protection services. they had had a meeting to discuss what information they could disclose about jack. i sat in shocked silence as the officer told me he liked to masturbate in front of small children and whilst watching them play. i recalled all the times he told me how he’d watched denise play in the garden and i thought i was going to puke. then the officer tells me that he’s done more but that he cannot give me details. i’ve been told to make a “safe room” in the flat where we can hide should he break in to attack us, that my daughter must never be out of my sight for a second whilst she’s in the garden.

but now i find he has more rights than my daughter, the housing association say that because a conviction was not obtained when he was accused previously i’ll have “to get used to” him living downstairs. when i pointed out that they hadn’t required a conviction to rehouse him for his own safety so how come we needed one to rehouse him for my daughters safety i was met with a shrug of the shoulders. so my only option seemed to be to block his view of my garden so i hung a duvet cover in front of his window and before the day was out i was called by the police to say he had complained and i must remove it or be charged with harrassment.

who’s rights come first? it’s certainly not my daughters. until he hurts her nothing can be done, how can that be fair?